Practice Random Kindness
Copyright: Patti Henry, 2004

It’s not a phrase I coined, but it is a phrase I try to live. The world is so harsh right now, and it seems one way to counter that is by using kindness. None of us can heal the world, but each of us can be a healing force in the world. That is, we can decide to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.

I remember walking away from buying my groceries one day and realizing I had just been part of a financial transaction that involved two people, but that there had been no people transaction. There was no connection between the clerk and myself. No eye contact. None. It felt very strange. She talked. She said, while looking at my groceries, “Find everything all right?” and I answered, but there was no seeing each other, no being together in the moment. It was disturbing to me and I decided to try not to participate in that again. That disconnect. I don’t think it’s good for the world.

So, now, I challenge myself to “see” the other person and to make eye contact. I say a kind word. I try to talk about them, noticing something unique in their dress or earrings or hairstyle. I ask about their day, if their feet hurt, how much longer they have to work. I wish them well. Nothing profound. Just a little kindness.

I’ve also learned to listen to that little part of me that sometimes screams, “Give them money!” Not a lot of money – that could feel degrading to the other person. But handing over $5 and a “pass it on,” when someone asks the clerk, “Can I add $5 to my check for lunch money?” and the clerk says it’s against their policy. Or slipping a $5 bill to a child in line who is begging his mom for a trinket that she has tiredly said no to, “We can’t afford it today, honey,” with a wink to the mom and a charge to the child, “That’s for being a good helper today. Will you promise to be a good helper to your mom today?” Or buying two lunches at the fast food counter saying, “How on earth can I spend all my lottery winnings if you don’t let me buy you lunch today?!” Nothing profound. Just a little kindness – and fun, too.

What can you do to spread a little love, a little joy? What can you do to be a healing force in the world? I love the man who paid the toll for the next five drivers behind him. And the woman who bought lottery tickets for everyone in the convenience store. I’m heartened when I see someone pick up trash that they didn’t leave, when I see someone in the checkout lane with a basketful of items let the person behind them go first, when I see someone run after another returning an item left behind by accident. What can you do?

One last thought: Can you do this with your partner? Sometimes it’s easy to practice random kindness with strangers, and so hard to bring it on home. Especially to someone who’s hurt you or been unavailable to you. Mother Teresa once said, “When you come across someone who doesn’t deserve your love, love them anyway.” For the reality is, your partner struggles, too. The world is harsh to him/her, too. What can you do to be a healing force in your relationship? Try kindness.