It doesn’t reward intention. It doesn’t reward "I’m going to". It doesn’t reward "I’m thinking about". It doesn’t reward "I want to". It only rewards action.

We must take a step in the direction we want to go. Otherwise, we’ll be left standing exactly where we’ve been. I have a 12 year old son who every morning asks, "Where’s my black jacket?" The answer is always the same, "Exactly where you left it." If we don’t move something, it doesn’t get up and move itself. It’s the same with ourselves: No one is going to magically come along and hand us our completed goals. We must get up and move ourselves.

I remember the moment I learned this lesson. It was at an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting when I was in my 20’s in a life that wasn’t working. The speaker was talking about personal responsibility, and if your life wasn’t the way you wanted it to be, that it was your job to create something different. I sat there stunned. My job? My responsibility? For my life?

Up until that moment I truly believed someone else was going to do the work to make my life beautiful. I didn’t know who that someone else was – a husband, a boss, a friend, a stranger – just someone, anyone, besides me. I was just waiting to be rescued; waiting for someone else to turn my life around. It was a shock to think that I could rescue myself and that, in fact, I was the only one who could.

It was also disappointing. I hadn’t counted on working that hard in life. I wanted someone else to do it for me. There was so much perceived freedom in my former position: my life isn’t working and it’s not my fault; it’s someone else’s. I’m not happy and it’s not my fault; it’s someone else’s. And yet, there was no true freedom: I hadn’t yet claimed my own personal power.

I use the word "claim" on purpose. Because the secret is this: your personal power already exists inside of you. It’s just a matter of saying, "Yes, I’ll take it." This happens by stepping up and taking ownership/responsibility for your life and happiness, and not leaving it to someone else.

So many times we think someone else – like our partner – has our personal power – or we try to give it away to them. "My husband won’t let me," or "I could never stand up to my wife – she would blow her top!" The reality is, not claiming my personal power is just another way of not taking responsibility. It’s just another way of staying an emotional child. It’s just another way of not growing up.

But how does one "claim" that power? By taking action. Not thinking about taking action, but by actually doing a behavior stepping in the direction you want to go. First decide where you want to end up: in a better relationship, with financial security, being a better parent/partner/employee, etc., owning your own business, acting more lovingly in the world, getting rid of your fears, working at a more satisfying job, having your marriage be more fulfilling, finding a life partner, having your debt paid off, feeling physically fit, losing weight, getting sober, etc.

Then it is just a matter of figuring out what the first step is. You don’t need to know all the steps, just the first one. As Zig Ziglar says, we can’t wait until all the traffic lights are green before we begin driving from point A to point B. We just have to start driving.

But, where to start? This is where many people get stuck. My motto is: "If you don’t know what to do, do something. If you don’t know what to say, say something." Even if your action or words don’t turn out as well as you had hoped, it doesn’t matter. It has at least gotten you unstuck.

Also, I have found that many people tend to make their first step huge, and so they don’t start. The first step needs to be small. Make a phone call. Search on the Internet. Meditate about opening your energy. Figure out who knows how to do what you want to do. Ask someone to help you. Move slowly -- but move!

Then there is the problem of the second step. Same thing. Don’t worry about figuring out all the next steps -- that is frightening and paralyzing to most people. Just figure out the next step. Then make it smaller. People often identify an overwhelming step as their next step, but really, on closer examination, any large step can be broken down into many smaller ones.

For example, when I wrote my first book (big, overwhelming goal), one of my first steps was to buy myself a notebook to write in. One of my next steps was to set up a comfortable place in our home where I could write and keep my notebook. Then I got a clock for that space. And a plant. My first day to sit down to write I decided on a writing schedule. Then I wrote an outline, etc.

It is important to recognize and honor all the many steps you take -- each one moving in the direction you want to go. They all count. And if you keep taking steps in the direction of your goal -- whether they are baby steps or giant leaps -- you will get there.

Just remember, no one else can do it for you. It’s your life. It’s time for you to claim it.