Frantically I tried to figure out where he was. The sound echoed all over the mountains bouncing around making it impossible to pinpoint where he could be. I screamed out, "Stop!" but the scream and the beating continued. I ran down the mountainside looking everywhere, hoping I was getting closer but it only seemed I must not be going the right way. He screamed, I panicked.
I ran thinking, "Where is CPS in Paradise?!" I heard the child choking on his sobs as he screamed, "It doesn’t matter how much you kick me or how hard you hit me, I won’t let go!" I ran, imagining myself finding him, protecting him, adopting him – surprising my husband when I got off the plane. "Let go? Let go of what?" After 4 or 5 excruciatingly long minutes of the scream, it started to rain. The cries grew fainter. It rained harder, and then, I could no longer hear the boy. I wept.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle(1).
Will that little boy ever feel safe again? Ever be able to trust? Is there recovery from THAT? And what, for goodness sakes, had happened to the person who was doing the beating when he or she was a child?
We must ask ourselves, what are we doing to our children? It is said that each time you scream at a child, it changes him forever. Each time you hit a child, even more so. My life’s work is undoing what was done to people when they grew up. That is my full time job – undoing what was done to people when they grew up.
What are your children going to need to undo?
When I grew up, I was hit. I was spanked. I was slapped. I remember the hair brush whacking me a time or two as well. What I took away was, "I’m never going to do this to my children."
And then I had children. Suddenly I was confronted with fighting off my natural inclination: to hit. I remember talking to myself frequently and saying, "Okay, if hitting isn’t an option, what is?" Breathing helped. Counting to ten helped. Removing myself from the situation helped. Pulling the car off to the side of the road and getting out of the car helped. I did anything and everything I could think of – and still my kids got a swat sometimes.
You see, our programming runs so deep. We must become aware of what happened to us – got programmed into us – and make a conscious decision to weed out what we don’t want to pass on to future generations. And then make that decision over and over and over again. Are you passing on what you want to be passing on?
My heart cries for that little boy on St. John. And for all the little boys and for all the little girls who have suffered so. My heart also cries for the person who could inflict such pain. I have always believed that when someone is acting out, it is coming from their own wounds, their own pain, their own unresolved hurts.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
I am grateful – and humbled – that my children have never screamed that scream. I am grateful – and humbled – that my path has led me in a direction away from that.
May we all move away from that.
*Children’s Protective Services
(1)This quote is often credited to Plato, but many others as well.
